Current affairs…my story.

I have been feeling your support and love and I really appreciate it. It gives me a reason to keep making and to keep believing in my business especially during the rocky times we have had in 2020, (The snowmageddon and a pandemic!) and now this second lockdown in 2021. It gives me something to do to keep my mind focused in spite of current global affairs and it helps me stay focused on something positive.

I’ve been a long time believer that Creation alone is an excellent tool for self care. I have even done a speech mentioning this topic for the Positive Thinker’s group in St. John’s. (and I may share that content with you soon) Entering that healing meditative flow state mentally where you are in the zone creating. Art therapy works. I know this because I have used it to bring myself out of some pretty dark times.

Hi! I’m Tiffany, owner and creator of Dear Dawcy & Ritual Botanicals. Let me re-introduce myself! I started my little business about three years ago! I started first doing the St.John’s market circuit. I drove out to Brigus almost every Sunday, which I loved to do the Some Good Market, I did the Night Market and then the St.John’s Farmer’s Market and enjoyed meeting, getting to know and learning from our local creators and vendors. I learned so much and through these people and events found a community of inspiring like minded people in my home town and connected with my shop partner Aryn.

I was worried when I moved home five years ago I wouldn’t find what I had in Montréal for 15 years; A community of like minded creators. But I did! I worked in fashion in Montréal, served on the board of Made in Montréal supporting local production, had my own business and was in love with Montreal. I showed my clothing lines on runways, was in magazines and was nominated for an award from the fashion bureau. Unfortunately I was dealing with mental illness and found myself in a long term relationship that was emotionally abusive intertwined and enmeshed in my partner’s own trauma, unaware of my own and both using negative and self destructive coping tools to deal. When I first came home I was a shell of a woman, gutted with all the physically painful accoutrements that come with trauma; Anxiety disorder and major depression and disassociation were symptoms of that trauma. I fell deeper into negative coping tools for some time which added on the pain. I had to spend the next few years in pieces. I let it all fall apart and then started to rebuild myself and my life piece by piece.

Lucky for me I work well out of spite. I did it in spite of the negative self talk, the abusive language I continued inward in on myself, the worthlessness I felt, the nightmares I still have that bring me back to the feelings of despair I felt, my partner’s hurtful comments still in my head ruminating. I made sure to find the resources I needed and pushed myself to stand up for myself to access those resources. It wasn’t easy. I told myself I deserved recovery. And I fought against the stigma, that came even from some in the medical community. It was not my fault. I said this as a mantra. I didn’t deserve it. I said yes to trying everything. The woman’s centre advocated for me when I could not advocate for myself to access the tools I needed. I did the trauma program. I spent over a year focused only on healing and learning the science to understand what happened inside my brain and body and learning how I could heal and the tools to do so. I dove into books at the library on all healing modalities, I sought help from all cultures, communities and traditions current and throughout history not just psychiatric and psychological, but spiritual and physical. I turned my Instagram feed of accounts I followed into a portable self care guru, listened to the woman’s centre’s words of empowerment, I listened to meditations and affirmations to try to retrain and heal my brain’s neural pathways. To rewrite the damaged code that was holding me back.

I have come a long way. I went from unable to function at my worst or drive because my vision, thinking and spasms were so strong, unable to walk in the mornings from pain and inflammation, unable to make sentences from brain fog, panic attacks because my mind wanted to die so badly but I did not want to die. I managed to a full turn around. It was like a miracle the way my effort snowballed into exponential healing. Mind you I still sort out, deal with my pain and need to use my kit of self help and self care rituals daily and stay on track, and often revamp and restart those rituals but I know I now have an Arsenal of tools, am informed and more equipped for my struggles. I’m still tinkering with my life and processes but I feel supported by most importantly myself now. I am proud of how far I’ve come.

Not everyday is a good day, but I know I can turn anything around with the tools I have now. And I have come so far. Eventually that first reach out for knowledge and help snowballed into everything I needed to not just survive but to thrive! My whole business now centres around tools I use for self care. From the items in my shop that I source for all of our personal rituals for self care to the process of making the items for the shop being vehicles to my own ritual self care, that flow state of creation, a personal healing ceremony of sorts. I can’t believe when I look around that I made all of this, from where I was to making one item to now. A shop full. I am proof you can come from darkness, you can use that darkness and embrace it and love yourself in it and in spite of it all and use it to create a light! You can be a maker of anything you need in this life.

Posted in Editor's Notes | Leave a comment